Hilarious Drunk Texts

#1 Smooth Move Sherlock

Once you are drunk and the cop pulls you over pleading is a futile exercise, a fool's errand. But when you insist on updating your status to "F the Police" on a cop's computer, you might as well lock yourself up and throw away the key.

#2 I Don't Speek Yo Languige

These two ladies are communicating on different wavelengths. Ms. Where the Party At and Mrs. Uptight Accountant just don't see eye to eye, good thing the working stiff bought Paris Hilton Rosetta Stone for exactly these type of situations.

#3 The Ol' Switcheroo

So who do you think is really telling the truth here? Awk indeed.

#4 Lunatic Rambler

We can only hope this guy is drunk, if not he's crazy. Well, why not both?

#5 Dad Knows Best

You think you party, you have no idea. Dad partied- like strippers and champagne every weekend party- so when he gives you advice you'd best take it, son.

#6 The Sweetest Candything in the Universe

If he's had a baby to drink, you know he's on the brink of yackin'. When he guzzles another half dozen babies and he whips the celly out, you know someone is going to fall victim to his mackin'.

#7 Wine is One Hell of a Drank

For some reason moms convince themselves they do not get drunk because they are drinking wine as if it was O'Doul's or something. Red goes to the head, white ain't alright.

#8 Yeah, F*ck Farmville!

There is nothing like getting drunk and socking it to the Farmville tyranny by digging up your mother in law's garden. That'll show 'em!

#9 TMI

When the chardonnay starts flowing, so do the secrets. Never tell your kids that they almost never existed, there are some things mommy and daddy should just keep to themselves.

#10 Are You STILL Drunk

True drunks never want to admit how drunk they got the night before, here is a perfect example. While tampons may look like little ghosts, "haunting" someone with them is just not sober behavior